Why is this so hard?
by musicianofpercussion
Summary: I finally realized that I liked him, but I just couldn't tell him...( not really a good summary but hopefully you'll read this) STEREK, ScottxAllison rated M for later on ;)
1. How my summer starts

I didn't know what this was, it was like I had this overwhelming pain in my chest. It scared me at first and I thought I might go through panic attacks again. But this feeling, was so much different than what it felt like when I had panic attacks. This feeling was so unfamiliar to anything I've ever felt. I didn't know what was going on with me. It confused me so much and scared me, I couldn't sleep at night. I would wake up sometimes for no reason, just the empty feeling growing in my chest. The feeling made me forget where or what I was doing sometimes.

I started to realize that it hurt every time I looked at you're face, like it was digging deeper into my heart. I kept denying that it was love, because I thought I was in love with Lydia, but I never felt like with with anyone. You crept into my life and make me just feel like when everything thing is wrong you just seem to make it right. No matter what may happen you seem to just make sure I'm okay. It- it feels so nice, but I can't- just... I feel like I can't tell you this. That I have this burning passion inside of me that just aches to be returned.

Being in love with Lydia hurt because she never even saw me in the same way. I wasn't in love with her though, I guess you can call it just, a crush... But when I'm with him- he just, I feel like I need him more than air, that I want to be with him every living moment on this Earth. I want to be beside him and just feel that hes there with me, that he loves me in return.

It hurts so much to keep all of this inside and to not tell anyone, to not tell him. I feel like I'm ripping my heart, my soul, every minute I sit and just think about him, am with him, even when I'm not thinking of him it hurts. I would rather die then to not see him though, not to know hes okay.

He- every time I'm with him I just want to wrap up in his embrace and let him hold me. Just to... It worries me that hes an alpha because I know hes going to protect his pack, no matter what people say about him, he does care. Hes protected, well not really, but at least cared about my health... I don't know if I'm over thinking any of this, or if its just normal to be this badly in love with someone. Keeping my feelings inside, I know, are not healthy... I just don't what do do about it...

I walked outside going to my car, school had finally ended and one Stiles Stilinski was planning on having an awesome summer break. Video games, eating as much junk food in an hour, yeah this was going to be a great summer. Getting into my Jeep I turned on the engine and got my ass out of the parking lot... Or at least tried. The stupid people decided that since there wasn't anymore school that they would try and run over as many people as possible. One kid almost did get run over which was some scary shit.

"Stiles!" I jumped at the name, like it was a gun shooting the word at me. I looked out the window and saw it was Scott.

"Jeez Scott, just give me a heart attack. What is it?"

"Can you give me a ride?"

"Now why would an abominable snow man want to give a werewolf a ride?" I said sarcastically. "Yeah, you can get in."

Scott opened the passenger side door and pulled his way into my car, pulling his seat belt over him buckling it.

"So Scott, what are you planning on doing this summer-" Before I could even finish my words he interrupted me.

"Sleeping, hanging out with Allison- oh by the way, can you drop me off at her house?"

"Dude you are so whipped." I smiled at that, he was and it was one of the funniest things I've ever seen him act like.

"I am not... I just love her."

"Sure, you keep telling yourself that."

The cars finally got out of my my and I pulled out of the parking lot, flipping it off mentally as we drove away.

"Yeah well what about you and Lydia, if I'm whipped, the you're buried ten feet under ground."

"About that-"

"Are you two actually going out!?" I huffed, like that would ever happen. And why did he jump to that conclusion so fast?

"No, were not, and I'm over her-"

"Over her? You were in love with her since the third grade!"

"Maybe I just cared about her more than I care about others. I do care for her well-being but, I guess I just mistook it."

"You 'mistook' this feeling for seven years Stiles, are you sure?"

"Yeah I am. I just..." I signed and let the subject drop, theirs no way I was going to have this talk with him. What would Scott say if I told him I liked the alpha that he hated? Scott would probably disown me for the rest of his life, yup and I would be friendless for the rest of my life.

"What is it dude?"

"Nothing." Again I signed annoyed a little bit by him bringing back up the conversation.

"Theirs something you're hiding from me, I know it. You know you can tell me."

"First of all, that's a bit creepy, the way you're talking to me here. Second I'm not hiding anything from you, you're my best friend, why would I do that?"

"I don't know, why is you're heart beating faster?"

"You can walk if you'd like-"

"No, I'm sorry, its not my business to get up into yours." I looked at him and then back to the rode, feeling a twist of guilt form in the pit of my stomach.

"I'm sorry Scott, I shouldn't have snapped at you like that." The car was filled with silence. Great way to start summer you dumb-ass. I stopped the car in the Argent's drive way and looked to Scott.

"Thanks for the ride, and apology accepted." I smiled

"Apology accepted back too." He smiled in return, got out of the going to the front door. Driving out of the drive way, I let my mind as I drove to my house. Not paying attention to much to the rode I learned my lesson that second as a form jumped right in front of my car. I stomped on the breaks and ended up hitting my head on steering wheel. I looked up to see Derek get into my car.

"Hey, what the hell man! You jump in front of my car, then you just barge into my car-"

"I will kill you with my bare hands if you don't stat driving."

"Okay, okay. What do you want?"


	2. Running away from what?

"It doesn't matter, just keep driving."

"You could have at least asked for a ride." I said letting my annoyance leak into my voice.

"You want to say that again, Stilinski?" He grabbed my sleeve and pulled me closer to him.

"N-no man, I'm okay." He let my sleeve go and let me drive on. It was the most awkward drive I've ever been in. It was worst then when I had to drive Derek around when he got shot with the wolfs bane. I pulled my car over to the side of the rode and turned it off.

"What are you doing?" He basically yelled it to my face. His muscles started tensing up.

"Well, I don't know Derek, why did you jump into my car?"

"Because I have someone following me and you were right in front of me, I took an opportunity."

"Wait, so now I'm going to have someone following me around because they want you?"

"They shouldn't follow you if they don't know that I'm with you, so you're fine, now start driving."

"Where am I supposed to take you?"

"Anywhere, just start the damn car already!" I did as he said and started at the road again. Derek was crawling underneath my skin very fast, even though I love him doesn't mean he never stopped being a douche sometimes. I pulled into my drive way and got out of my car. I didn't expected Derek to walk into my house with me, I looked behind me and he was gone. Good I don't need to explain that to my dad.

I walked into the house and was greeted by my father.

"Hey dad."

"Hi, so schools out, are you planning on getting a summer job this year?"

"Well, I really don't know-"

"Stiles?" He raised and eyebrow. "You know having a summer job on an application for school would look better then without one."

"Yeah, I know. It just..."

"Stiles, do want you want, I'm not going to tell you what to do-"

"I know dad, and I love you for that. I just have a lot of stuff on my plate." I looked at him for a while and then left him alone. "Love you dad."

"I love you too."

I walked into my room and jumped back almost falling straight square on my ass. Luckily I caught myself and ended up with my back to the wall next to me.

"What the-"

"Sshhhhh! Shut you're door." I did as he said and walked up to him.

"What the hell man, why are you in my house?" Derek just started back at my with his 'perfected' glare. "Oh don't give me that bullshit, why are you here?"

He grabbed the collar of my shirt and pulled me up to him until we were only about five inches away from each others faces. I could feel his breath on my face. No Derek Hale has issues about personal space I guess.

"I just need to to stay quiet so you don't worry you're dad or attract attention. Can you do that?"

"I'm not a child. Let go of me-"

"Tell me you won't first"

"Fine, I won't, okay?" He let me go and I crossed my arms. "What are you doing? Are you hiding in my house so those people chasing you won't find you?"

"Kind of-"

"Oh great, I'm housing someone running away from the law again." I rolled my eyes and sat over that my computer desk.

"I'm not running away from the law."

"Then what are you running from?"

"These hunters. They've just arrived in Beacon and I don't know what their here for."

"So you're running because some little humans chased you?"

"No, because they killed one of my own with one shot, and it wasn't even close to the heart or the brain where they shot him."

"Who did they kill? Was it Scott?" Panic surged through me in an instant. What if it was Scott? I was just with him about half an hour ago. It can't be him, it just can't, right?

"Calm down, it wasn't Scott. You're heart is racing like crazy, its giving me a head ache."

"I'm sorry I care, or have human feelings." He went on as if I never had made that comment.

"It wasn't even one of my own pack. It was an omega, he got caught in the chase and was instantly killed. What I want to know is what killed him."

"And I'm guessing you want my help?"

Honestly, I'd rather keep you out of this, but the more I can get an understatement on them the better I can take them down." I sat there and thought about what he said. These hunters must have a lot of knowledge to take down a werewolf with one hit.

"I'll see what I can find on my computer." I turned my chair around and got to work.


	3. Hungry?

Derek stayed at my house and just sat silently next to me reading some book he had picked up. While I looked up what could have possibly killed a werewolf that fast. I didn't even know where to start. So I started with how to kill a werewolf. Ending up I got that they could die with a silver bullet, which made me laugh. Shooting it to death, which could work, if you shot the werewolf about thirty times. This made me image someone chasing down Derek with a gun. To stab them with a blunt or sharp object and at the end of one of the pages it said that running was a good option. I did start busting out laughing at that one.

"Why are you laughing?"

"You have to read this!" I pointed at the screen and he read it rolling his eyes.

"That's not funny, its plain stupid."

"I thought it was funny."

"Maybe because you're one of the-"

"Okay, I'm stopping you there, if you want me to do research, over summer break, then you need to calm you're ass down." He glared at me then pulled his attention back to the book in his hands.

After about an hour of research I got up and stretched. I started walking out the door when Derek called behind me.

"Where are you going?"

"Downstairs. Where else?"

"What if you're father comes up here?"

"First of all, he doesn't go around sneaking into my room. Second he's at work right now so I don't think anyone's going to go into my room." I turned around and headed my way to the kitchen. I made myself a "Stiles sized" sandwich and ate about half of it when Derek came into view and sat down at the table with me.

"Hey," I mumbled out while chewing my sandwich.

"Did you find anything?" I swallowed and shook my head.

"Nothing that wasn't usable yet." He signed.

"This is a mess."

"That's for sure." I said finishing off the rest off my sandwich. "You hungry?"

"What- no. I just want to figure out what had happened back there..."

"You know what, maybe they do what the Argents did and they become part of society. I could get close to them, considering that I'm the Sheriff's son, and find out about them, get their Beastiary."

"That's not half a bad idea."

"See I can be smart."

"I guess so..."

"You going to leave my house now?"

"No, I'm just going to stay and watch you sleep."

"That's really creepy and you will not turn my life into a Twilight story." He smiled at my remark which surprised me, but then it went back to his poker face.

"When I turn into a werewolf I look more bad-ass then what ever Twilight werewolf can look like."

"No, when you turn into a werewolf you could scare the shit out of someone, when a werewolf off of Twilight turns into a wolf they look all cuddly and more like a wolf."

"You seem to know a lot about Twilight."

"Ah ha, yeah, I read all the books when I was in a lower grade and loved them. Their okay know I guess, I'm more into manga now."

"What kinds have you read?"

"Soul Eater, Blue Exorcist, Bleach, Death Note, some others that I can't list off the top off my head."

"I'm more into actual literature-"

"Don't you dis on the manga, someone will find you."

"I didn't intend it like that, well, yeah I did."

"You're an ass, get out of my house."

"You say that, but you know I could scare you into letting me stay."

"Why would you want to stay?"

"Because messing around with you're mind is fun."

"You're so evil." Derek's face went blank then he got up.

"You're dads home."

"What? Wait, then you have to get out of here, like now!" I pushed him up to the stairs and he was covered by the wall when my father came into the house.

"Hey dad. I think I'm going to bed early, love you."

"Love you too." I walked up to my room and saw that I was the only one in here this time. Derek really did leave.

He seemed like a normal person earlier. Did he ever show this side to anyone? Was I the only one who got to see him like that? If so, I feel privileged. And I felt a little bit more in love with him if possible.


	4. Nervous about what?

This morning Scott texted me to meet up with him at his house, around twelve.

I tried to get ready but I only one person on my brain. Which caused me too be late going over to Scott's house for doing things most guy would do to get ride of a boner. Which also made me even more out of it then I usually am. So in the end, I blame Derek for being too sexy of a person. No one should be that hot, it's impossible... Unless you're name is Derek Hale...

"Hey, where were you?"

"What?" I looked at Scott who has just broke my concentration of my dirty mind.

"You're an hour late? Dude where were you?"

"Oh, I um..." I could feel the blush creep over my face. "Overslept." I shrugged at him.

"How could you oversleep when you texted me back saying 'okay, be over soon."

"In my defense you said 'around' twelve."

"Yeah, but not an hour after twelve! Dude, why is you're heart racing so much?"

"What do you mean? We were just arguing, so that's why."

"No, I can feel that you're nervous, why are you nervous?"

"Man, I don't know, but you're kinda freaking me out here." Scott signed and sat on his bed.

"Can I ask you why you were all weird yesterday and now today?" I stared at him.

"Why?" Why is he bringing this up know?

"Because you're my friend and I care about you." I just stared, no words coming out of my mouth.

"Stiles, I'm you're best friend, you can tell me. I promise not to tell Allison, or anyone-"

"I trust you, its just... I don't know what you'll think of me if I tell you."

"I just told you you're my best friend. I don't care if you're screwing Derek Hale, although that would be kind of weird, but I don't care." I froze at his words for about a minute. My heart felt like it went clod and stopped beating.

"Wait, are you screwing him?"

"No." I said a little too fast which probably sounded like I was trying to cover it up.

"Are you sure. It sounded like-"

"No I'm not screwing him, but I have this huge crush on him!" I shouted it all out as once. Scott had no expression on his face at all, which scared me. I face palmed and tried not freak out about what I had just told him, which wasn't really working.

"That's... I never expected you to like him. When did you know you were gay?"

"I thought you were going to freak out on me. This went better then expected."

"Can you answer me, please?"

"Yeah. I thought I was straight, but Derek came up into my life and I just really like him. Like love him."

"Does he know?"

"No, I thought that if I told him it would make it really awkward between us. And I just don't know!" I threw my arms up in the air.

"You can't go around all the time with bottled up feelings."

"I know." Scott suddenly got this evil smile on his face. He seriously scares the shit out of me sometimes.

"I should get you two hooked up somehow." I started at him in disbelief.

"How would you do that?"

"Oh, this will take some planning, but I will help you."


End file.
